Thirty Days... How Many Words?

“Through distractions untold and mind-blocks unnumbered, I have fought my way here to the Winners Area, beyond the Novel Page, to present the creativity you have inspired, for my will is as weary as yours and my kingdom as knackerered. You have no power over me!” (greatly paraphrased from Sarah's speech at the end of Labyrinth)

It is midday on 1st December. After a lovely, restorative yoga class and some chicken soup, I feel able to consider this post before I run off to a viewing of Forbidden Planet.

It is over. Whatever happened over the course of November, it is over. Done, complete, ended, concluded, terminated.

But did I make it?

Well as it turns out, I hit the Magic 50,000 Word Target of Bloody Awesome mark on Wednesday 27th November 2013 at around 19:15, while sat in Starbucks Wardour Street between gym and rehearsals. After that it was all about wrapping up and tying up the loose ends. 

My 50,000 words done, I triumphantly changed my Facebook profile picture to the 'WINNER' icon, took a deep breath and then... had no idea what to do next.


Exhausted, I spent my two days annual leave on Thursday and Friday mostly lolloping around feeling drained physically, mentally and emotionally. The achievement felt huge and yet like nothing... a real anti-climax, possibly in part because while I'd hit the target, I wasn't finished. Well, I managed that on Saturday evening... though the story is the kind of thing

Given the things which have been getting in the way all month, this Busiest Month Ever, it's amazing that I made it, yet at the same time, it felt easy once I was on the other side of it. Not easy, exactly... more that it's 'what should be'.

What have I learned? What have I achieved? How do I feel? What's next?

Firstly, I've learned that with focus I can do a great deal. The days when I was getting 8000+ words done were fantastic. Imagine how prolific a writer I could be if only I was able to write for a living without having to worry about a day job which pays for things like rent and food!

I also had to teach myself to knuckle down to one thing at a time. I still find it difficult to not get distracted by research. It's good in some ways, because it means the research gets done but... I had to just click out of those tabs or put the book down and write. Harder even still to fight was the urge to edit as I went along. It's how I do things, I guess... to revisit while I'm working on it and to tweak and edit and the rest... again, it's good in one respect and useful on a longer-term project but for Nanowrimo? A distraction.

I've had to prioritise in a way I didn't particularly want to - a few times I've got buses home or dodged the gym in order to find some time, but when one has nobody else to answer to or be responsible for, it's wholly possible to "make time" where you need it.

I've also learned to my amusement, that I can write while I'm asleep. Truly, I found that at times I was sat here typing and my eyes would flutter shut... no bad, for I long ago learned to type without looking at the keyboard, but when I realised I was typing while sleeping, and that that writing was actually kinda good?

Bit worrying in a way... not only that I was so tired but that I don't need to be awake to do this... maybe that work does suck and I just can't tell... no perspective about it right now... 

I've learnt to try and carve up my time more effectively between things: Not trying to watch Elementary/Castle/The Mentalist/Game of Thrones (again)/Battlestar Galactica (again)/Firefly (again)/Buffy Season 7 (at long last) and however many movies AND write at the same time... not try to write AND eat AND watch online Philosophy/ Kennedy Half Century/Secrets of Brands lectures all at the same time. I've learned to try and sleep sometimes, I've learnt to sometimes say 'ixnay on the physical exertions for the minute'.

At least, I learnt to do those things on a temporary November basis. Whether it lasts into December, into 2014 and beyond remains to be seen. I suspect my love of marathoning TV shows will continue to exert power over me that I can't quite control.

By the way, a total sidenote: Angel's cameo in Buffy is hilarious and tragical and wonderful and reminds me exactly why I love Buffy/Angel so much back in the day, and though Joss managed to make the Spike thing work in the end, I'm Buffy/Angel forever /Buffygeekery. On a related note, the cancellation of Firefly? STILL WITH THE BITTERNESS HERE.

Back to wherever I was:

I've had my love of writing reaffirmed. I like writing. Much as I spend huge chunks of time doing anything to avoid it, I do love it dearly. Getting inside characters' heads and building new worlds, creation... it's what I like.

There's a quote I like, but I can't remember the exact words: "A blank sheet of paper is God's way of telling you how tough his job is." That's not a warning to me, that's a challenge. I can't leave a blank sheet of paper blank for very long. It's a tough job, yes. Sometimes it feels like I need to stab myself in the ear to let my brain dribble onto the paper in the hopes it might be worth something.

I felt able to get inside characters in a way I haven't for a long time - I never quite got into JD Twain's head (thank God) in the same way - in part because I was required by the deadlines to just get stuck in. Being in Billy Bright's head is not pleasant, for he's bloody awful and other characters aren't much better. My mind went into some dark places but it was useful and that level of absorption is just awesome when it happens. Life-affirming. Vocation-affirming.

I finished the second draft of Walking in the Shadowlands earlier this year and then submitted it to a bunch of agents who then ignored or rejected it. I still haven't finished processing that mentally, but this novel? Has reminded me that this is what I do, what I am.

A dear much-missed friend of mine, Elise, used to remind me of another quote when I was faltering or describing myself as 'not a real writer': 

“If, when you wake up in the morning, you can think of nothing but writing... then you are a writer.”  Rainer Maria Rilke

Sometimes, in truth, when I awake what I'm thinking of is the last song I had stuck my head the night before... but I am a writer. The words come to me an I try to put them in the least-ugly order I can find. I won't say it comes easy or effortlessly - although The Bright Side O' Life does feel almost effortless now it's 1st December - but it is what I do. It is what I am, as much as I am anything at all.

So, all that really remains is to edit this first draft and get it in a fit state for creating an eBook because I'm going to offer it up in exchange for donations to Radio Lollipop, as promised.

Thank you to everyone who has supported the project over the last month. There are many people - particularly those generous folks who have already donated money - without whom this would not have felt 'easy' by the end.

Oh, and there's still plenty of time to donate if you'd like, for my having accomplished this feat... and look out for details of how to get the eBook when it's ready.

If anyone would like to offer proof-reading/editing services or to create a fabulous cover for it, that would be awesome - comment below or send an email to me.

It is done:

Here's why I'm doing this and A LINK FOR DONATIONS: http://www.justgiving.com/clareprsnanowrimo
For more information on the Author: http://nanowrimo.org/participants/clare-worley

For more information on Radio Lollipop: http://www.radiolollipop.org/

For more information on NaNoWriMo: http://nanowrimo.org